Part 14

I sighed, “Mom, I swear, it didn’t bother me. I just felt a little faint in the middle –”

“Why? That’s what I’ve been asking you since ages! Why did you feel faint? Look, I know it troubled you Naina, there’s no hiding it. You’ve always swept the issue under the carpet. It’s not going to work anymore, alright? You need to start dealing with this”, said mom in one breath. Nandita had told her that I had looked pretty ill during the workshop, and that had really perturbed her.

I sighed again, “Look mom, I don’t know how to convince you, okay? But all I have to say is that I’m fine. And nothing happened in the workshop”

“Well you can’t convince me. So you might as well can stop trying. You’re coming to the meetings with me and that’s final” she said it with a finality that scared me.

“But mom-”

“No buts. You’ve avoided this for a long time Naina, you can’t find your way around the problem this time. Face it”

I stared at her strict face and saw a glimpse of fear beyond the strictness. I knew that she was extremely scared when it came to alcoholism and me, she always feared that I might end up getting addicted to alcohol too. And in spite of having discussed this many times, she knew that somewhere, I still hadn’t coped with the past.

Struggling to control my disappointment, I softly nodded, mumbled something like, “Be back in an hour” and walked out of the house. I needed some time alone, some time to think about this mess. Without thinking, I got into my car and made my way towards my favorite chai stall. That chai stall is like my sacred little place. When everything seems screwed, that stall is something I can always hang on to.

___________________________________

Nandita glanced at her mom, she looked tired and exhausted. She knew it wasn’t because of work, it was because she was tired of living in a dead relationship. Dead, because neither of her parents seemed willing enough to breath any life into it. Her dad didn’t look any better. He kept pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes every now and then.

There was pin drop silence in the dining room, it almost felt like a crime to utter even a single word. Apart from the occasional sound of the cutlery clinking now and then, there was nothing to be heard. Dinner at Nandita’s place was generally a silent affair, and the silence wasn’t comfortable. It was killing.

A sudden wave of rage washed through Nandita and she put her fork down with a loud bang. Her mother looked up from her plate, startled, “What’s wrong Nandita? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Terrific. Does that make you happy?” replied Nandita in a tone dripping with sarcasm. She was fighting to control her rage.

Her mother, taken aback by her sudden outburst, sat upright in her chair and stared at Nandita for a moment, “Nandita, Is everything-”

“Shut up! Okay? Both of you, just – just cut the ‘We’re fine’ act, alright? I’m bloody sick and tired of watching you two wishing nothing more than to strangle each other, day in and day out! Am I even visible to either of you? Do I exist in your life? Or maybe feeding is what parents’ responsibilities are limited to. Right?”

Nandita had now stood up, with her arms by her side, heaving. Her fingers were tightly curled into fists and tears brimmed in her eyes. Her parents, now completely shocked at their daughter’s outburst, were finding it hard to say anything. After a moment had passed, her dad stood up from his chair and walked towards Nandita, “Beta, listen to me-”

“Dont ‘beta’ me!” she yelled and moved a step back, “You have no idea what I’ve been going through all these months. There was a time when I contemplated running away from this hell! But why would you notice? You were too busy biting each other’s heads off!”

“Nandita, you’re misunderstanding us beta, we’re fine-” started her mother, but was again cut off by Nandita.

“NOTHING’S FINE!” hollered Nandita. She had completely lost control of herself now. All the emotions that she had bottled up inside, everything that she had always wanted to say but couldn’t, was now coming out with an unstoppable force that had engulfed her completely, “No bloody thing is fine! If you think I’m blind, or stupid enough to believe that lie then I’m sorry to inform you that you’re mistaken!”

“Well what do you want from us then?” yelled Nandita’s father, now having lost his temper too.

“That’s not the way Rajeev-” started her mother, only to be interrupted by Nandita again.

“Go get a goddamned divorce if it’s so hard for you to live together!” shouted Nandita, and clapped her hands together, as if doing Namaste, “And for god’s sake, spare me this misery!”

And with that, she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, tears running down her cheeks.

_____________________________

“Kyun boss? Ek chai ke paise kab se bad gaye?” I asked in the typical hindi flare. These people, in spite of being strangers, seemed close. The shopkeeper, the chai wala kid, the usual hustle-bustle of crowd, the paan-wale uncle – they were all people who gave me company when I felt sad and depressed, even if they did it unknowingly. For someone like me, someone for whom the word ‘friend’ was synonymous only with Nandita, this company was like heaven.

“Kya kare madam, aate-daal ka bhaav jabse sarkar ne badaya hai, paise ki haye haye samjho roj ka chakkar hai” replied the little kid who usually served as the ‘waiter’. I smiled and said, “Bhartiya sarkar hai, paise badaane ke alaawa aur kuchh kar bhi sakti hai?”

And we all shared a good laugh about the Indian government. It had been one hour since I came here, and as per my word, I should head back home now. But mom knows better, she knows that I won’t return for another hour or so. Smiling, I took my cup of tea and walked back to my car. Unlike other customers, I liked to have tea in my car itself.

I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to wander back to the one Alateen meeting that I had attended last year. My mother was a frequent visitor of the AA and Al-Anon meetings, and she had dragged me with her one day. Sitting in that group, and listening to people share their painful memories did give some solace. To know that perhaps you’re not alone in the world, is a great feeling to have, but that one meeting also brought back harsh memories. Memories that haunt me every time I discuss anything alcoholism related. I knew that it was my drawback, because I had never faced it head on, it always threw me off my balance when I no option but to face it.

I had outright refused to attend another one of those after that day. But now, I was being made to go to those meetings again. It was a good solution in the long run, and maybe I would start to enjoy them after a while, but it was the initial stage that bothered me. I didn’t want to go through that again.

As I opened my eyes, my mom’s words echoed in my mind, Let others in Naina, break your wall, and see how many others are exactly like you...

Part 12

Ayush and I had gone back to the workshop after the mini break. He sneaked in without anyone noticing, but I had to face the brunt of my teacher's wrath. I kept mumbling about how I suddenly felt faint and so I went to the washroom. But Ms. Grumpy kept yelling about discipline and self control and bla bla.
I silently walked back to my seat next to Nandita who looked genuinely concerned. "Are you okay? What happened?", she asked in an anxious voice.

I nodded, "I'm fine. Just felt a little faint back then. It's fine now", I said, trying to give her a reassuring smile. She nodded, although she didn't look convinced.

I focused all my concentration on the pikachu after the break. Trying hard not to look up even once, I concentrated on detaching myself from the situation, the environment. Flashes of the past were ruthlessly pushing against my mental barriers to enter my mind, but I resisted them with all the force that I could muster. This was an old trick that had often helped me as a kid. Imagine yourself enclosed in a bubble, a bubble constructed by you to protect yourself from external enemies (Imagine the protego spell in Harry Potter) The enemies continue to push against the walls of the bubble, but you focus your energy and strength on keeping the bubble erect until they go away.

Strangely, I thought of how weird it was to see Ayush smoking. I deduced he had never told anyone about his smoking at school by the way he reacted. He never seemed the type of person who would succumb to peer pressure or mere curiosity to me. And seeing that half of my class smokes because the other half told them to, this was the foremost plausible reason that came to one's mind.

I unconsciously shrugged and decided that it was none of my business. Taking a glimpse at my watch, I realized that there were 20 more minutes to go. I noticed Nandita looking at me out of the corner of my eye. She had the expression that said 'I-know-there-is-something-fishy', she probably must have noticed my funny behavior and visible attempts at dissociating myself from the workshop. This was something Nandita was an expert at - reading faces. She should be a detective.

I avoided her gaze and went back to drawing. Those 20 minutes were passing so slowly that I could almost imagine myself being dragged towards the guillotine, very, very slowly.

I almost jumped when the bell rang. I let out a sigh of relief and quickly got up. The enemies vanished and I finally let my guard loose, allowing the bubble to slowly evaporate. Before I could pack my things, Nandita snatched my notepad from my hand and flipped through the pages.

"You made 8 pikachus during the workshop?" she asked incredulously.

I never realized I had made that many, "Um, well, yeah?", I replied with a sheepish expression on my face.
She kept staring at me and crossed her arms across her chest, "What's wrong Naina? Did this workshop bother you?"

I was beginning to get annoyed. I didn't want to talk about this anymore, all I wanted was to get out of this room and inhale some fresh air, "Look, nothing's wrong. Can we go now? I'm thirsty", and I collected the remaining of my things and walked out without waiting for her response.
She sighed and followed me, sensing she didn't have much of a choice.

________________________________

We're sitting in our usual chuski treat stall, now having forgotten the incident in the conference room. Atleast I had.

"So what did you want to say?", I asked

She sighed and leaned forward, "I want to run away from my house"

I hadn't heard her correctly, "What ?"

Suddenly, tears brimmed in her eyes and before she could she help it, they were freely running down her cheeks. I quickly got up and sat next to her, placing my hand over hers. I realized that something was seriously wrong, because Nandita seldom broke down like this. "What's wrong Nandu?" I asked softly.
"My parents are each other's enemies Naina. There is never a single day that passes without both of them yelling at each other”, she said in a deeply pained voice.

I knew that Nandita’s parents didn’t get along well. But the rift between them had become deeper only the last year, when Nandita’s mom’s brother died in a car accident. Nandita’s dad was driving the car, and her mama (mother’s brother) was with him. They were going to some relative’s place. Her dad had lost control of the car and it crashed into a truck. Her dad survived, but her mama didn’t. Her mom didn’t say it, but she always blamed her husband for her brother’s death. It caused so much resentment that it had become difficult for them to live under one roof.

Nandita never showed it, but she was inwardly sad for the whole year. During the winter vacations, she had also slipped into depression, and it took a month of therapy to get her back to normal. She always pretended to be this happy-go-lucky girl, when she was fighting huge battles inside.

I slowly rubbed her back as she hid her face in her palms and leaned down. After a few minutes had passed, I said, “Running away is never an option Nandu. I know it seems like the easy way out, but it’s not what you want. I know it”

She slowly straightened up and wiped her tears, “What do I do then Naina? I can’t live like this. I don’t want to live like this”

I stared at her for a few moments, contemplating how to put it in words, and then said, “Nandu, I think when a relationship doesn’t work, then the two people should simply let go of it”

She turned and looked at me, “Divorce?”

I simply kept staring at her, knowing that my answer was obvious. She lowered her gaze and returned back to staring ahead, “I don’t know Naina. I don’t know”

I just continued to hold her hand. I knew it was not that easy. It was never that easy.

_____________________________________

Ayush entered his house, thinking about how his secret was no longer a secret. Naina knows about it, he thought. But he also knew that Naina wasn’t the type of person who would spread gossip. He didn’t know her too well, but he did know that she was beyond that stage.

“Heya Bro, what’s up?”, came a cheerful voice from behind him. Ayush recognized the voice and smiled. It was his sister, Nimmi. He turned around to see his sister smiling at him.

“What are you doing here, Ms. busy-bee ?”, asked Ayush. She rolled her eyes and said, “Can I get a hug first ?”

Ayush shook his head and engulfed her in a hug. She was in her second year of engineering. A typical study-maniac, she was always one of the toppers in school and in her first year. She wore rectangular glasses, which further instilled the fact that she was a geek. After completing her schooling, she decided that she would live in the campus hostel itself. Independence was one of the two reasons that she had moved out, the other one was her mom’s death.

“So how did you get time huh? Boyfriend se peecha chhuda kar aayi ho?”, said Ayush in a teasing voice.

“Shut up. Can’t I miss you?”, she said with her arms crossed across her chest, “Aur mera koi boyfriend nahi hai abhi”

“Abhi?”, said Ayush with one eyebrow raised.

“Argh go to hell”, she spat out and sinked into a nearby chair. Ayush grinned and sat across her, “How’s engineering treating you ?”

She frowned, “Bad. We don’t have enough time to eat and sleep. Engineering is badass dude”

“Yeah, who asked you to take up engineering ? Certainly not me”, replied Ayush

She stuck out her tongue and gave him a look that said ‘Screw you’. They talked for a while about general things like school and college. Ayush loved his sister, they had had some great times when they were both small kids. But after their mom died, things changed.

Nimmi moved out and neither of them ever faced their grief. They never talked about it as two kids who had just lost their mother. There was never any conversation. She hardly visited them after that. She did come on festivals and other important occasions, but rarely on a random day. Because of the disconnected bridge of communication, Ayush never told her about his smoking. They still teased each other, laughed with each other and talked about insignificant things, but there was no emotional connection.

As Ayush looked at his sister, he wondered how things would have been different if they had just talked. But they hadn’t. And she was never the sister he had needed, and he was never the brother she had needed.

Part 8

"And so I said no to them. Theek hai yaar, tumhe kaam nahi karwana toh humaare paas bhi faaltu time nahi hai. It's supposed to be a goddamned business deal, and they're behaving like we're trying to buy aloo-pyaaz here. First they asked us to cut down the price of the project by almost 40 %, and now they don't want to give us any advance payment. Tell you what, they can go to hell", Mom fumed as she paced the room.

"Did the right thing. The last thing we want them to know is that we're desperate. If you let a shark smell blood, then you're doomed", I replied.

She was talking about a client who had approached us last week. They wanted comprehensive GIS software made which would be used in the mining Industry, to locate the prospective ores etc. Mom told me that even though we could do it, it was a pretty complicated project. After calculating the approximate price of the contract, we sent them a financial and technical proposal, clearly stating that we would require some amount of advance to get the project started. Although they liked the technical part, they felt that the quoted price was too high. We re-evaluated and cut down the price by 40 %, and sent it back to them. After taking their sweet time to 'consider' the proposal, they replied after 2 weeks stating that they wouldn't be able to give us any advance.

Tension was already running high with the already low funds, expenses were being incurred, outstanding salaries continued to pile up, and the receivable payments were nowhere in sight. And yet, we could not show that we were desperate for money. Because this very mistake had cost us a lot of money (that could have been saved) in the past. Vulnerability. Desperation. Need. Want. These emotions (if expressed) can only cause you damage in the corporate world. Infact, any emotion can cause you damage in the corporate world. Because boss, there is no room for emotions in business. Only money.

Mom stopped pacing and sat down on the bed. When was the last time I had seen her smiling? Maybe last month. This month has been a ride through hell for her. I hugged her and she hugged me back. We sat like that for a while before she said, "How's school?”

I let go of her and said, "That's not important. What's important is that you need to be fed, bathed and tucked into bed. School can be discussed later"

She gave me a 'I'm-your-mom-you're-not-my-mom' look. But I had seen it too many times to react. Infact, it only strengthened my 'Shut-up-and-listen-to-your-daughter' attitude at times. I dragged her to the dining table and made her sit down. The least I can do is make sure she eats well. Trying to be cool, I wore the big chef's hat and tied the apron around my waist.

"Presenting...The craptastic chef - Nainaaaaaaa Sharma Aggrawal!", I exclaimed in an exaggerated voice. To make things even more filmy, I turned on the radio and tuned into the channel that usually played old songs at this time. I turned up the volume and an old hindi song burst through the speakers.



Hey Jai Jai Shiv Shankar Kaanta Lage Na Kankar
Ke Pyala Tere Naam Ka Piya


Ho O O Gir Jaoongi Main Mar Jaoongi
Jo Tune Mujhe Thaam Na Liya
O Sau Rabadi


I started dancing around the kitchen like a maniac. While the food was being warmed up in the microwave, I was trying out various silly antics infront of mom to lighten her mood. As the song came to an end, her face was adorned with a smile. And I knew that everything was going to be okay.

***************************

"So where do we start from?” I asked. We, Nandita, Vivek, Ayush and me, were at Nandita's place. We had decided to meet outside school to get the project started because all of us knew that school was the last place to get anything 'done'.

"Hmm I did a little research and came up with this. Wikipedia was, obviously, a great help. But there is information from other sources aswell", Vivek said while handing the file to me. He continued, "As of now, we need to decide as to how many mathematicians we're going to include. I say we include only Indian mathematicians. It sort of gives the impression that we're trying to highlight India's greatness. What say?"

And then Ayush and I said something at the same time. I said, "I agree", and he said, "I disagree"

I looked at him in a 'what-the-hell' kind of way and said, "Why not ? He has a point. Besides, the world owes alot to India for it's contribution to mathematics. I think we should focus on India"

He sighed and said, "Yeah okay, India's great, but millions of presentations solely based on Indian scientists, mathematicians, astrologers etc etc have already been made in the past. I think we should increase our scope by including mathematicians from all over the world. I mean, when was the last time someone included an african mathematician?"

Nandita chipped in and said, "He's right. It's the age of globalization anyway", and before she could even complete her sentence, she realized what she had just said had no connection to the discussion, whatsoever.

"Yeah, right. What has globalization got to do with any of this ?", replied Vivek. I looked at him and said, "Yup. I don't see the connection"

Ayush spoke up, again, "As a matter of fact, I do. Everything in today's world, right from the food we eat to the airplanes we travel in, have some or the other international shade. The number of multi-cuisine restaurants in Delhi is equivalent to the number of Punjabi dhabas. Our clothes are being mixed and matched every season to cover every country's apparel. Hindi Cinema is opening up to hollywood and vice versa. Multinational companies are trading with India. Our cars are german, clothers are french, gadgets are chinese etc"

"Yeah Ayush, we know what globalization is", I interrupted as Vivek and I chuckled.

He didn't seem to pay attention to the interruption as he continued, "So my point is - what's wrong in acknowledging International mathematicians ?"

"Well the point is that amidst the blitz to cope up with 'globalization', I think we've forgotten India's indivisual development along the way. I think blending our culture with other cultures is a wonderful thing, but what's going wrong is that in the process, we've started demeaning our own culture. Given our background as slaves, it is in our genes to always uphold the western culture higher than our own. Right from cricket to english, both our given more importance than hockey and hindi", I said, now completely in my 'nerd' persona.

And in no time, the project was completely forgotten. Ayush and I were now absorbed in a heated argument about 'US sucks or not', with me taking the 'It sucks' stand, and him taking the 'It doesn't' stand. How we went from Globalization to this topic is unknown, but it seemed to happen spontaneously without either of us realizing it. Nandita and Vivek were reduced to being the audience witness to this verbal war. In the middle, they kept saying "I agree", and that's about it. Vivek was with me and Nandita was with Ayush. It seemed like one of those episodes of "Seedhi Baat" that aired on Aaj Tak.

Our debate was brought to a halt when Nandita's mom knocked on the door and said, "You guys need to keep it low. I can't even hear what my friend is saying over the phone"

Vivek and Nandita burst into laughter and Ayush and I stared at eachother sheepishly. Finally, we both seemed to agree on one thing - If Vivek and Nandita didn't stop laughing now, we would pounce on them and sew their lips permanently.

Part 5

"Are bhaiyya, tez chalao na! ye koi bailgaadi hai kya ?", I holler at the autowala. I am on my way to the market to buy some stuff for the house. And as always, I am running on a pretty tight schedule. This goddamned autowala is moving at a snail's pace. The traffic isn't as thick as it generally is at this time, and yet he's taking his sweet time to hit that blasted accelerator.

"Madam ji, tez hi to chala rahe hain, aur kitna tez chalaoon ?", he replied in a nonchalant way in a tone that implied I-don't-give-a-shit.

I frown and say, "Haan tum toh humein uda kar le jaa rahe ho na ? Ab tez chalao, mujhe late ho raha hai"

He mumbles something to himself and doesn't reply. I cross my arms and look outside. Should have taken the car, but then remembered that there was no petrol in it. And considering how we're counting every penny these days, I didn't have 300 bucks for petrol at this moment. Sighing, I shake my head and continue to look outside.

When we finally reach the market, I quickly hop out and pay the autowala. Running inside the market, I fish out the 'To-do list' from my jhola and quickly read through it. Time to get into action..

*********************

My mom is really a fun person to be with provided that she's in a good mood. She's watching some old english film on TV and I'm sitting with her, hoping that she'd change the channel soon. It's sunday, so she doesn't have to work. I'm not demanding because today is the only day she gets time to relax. During the weekdays, she's just too tired to turn the television on and watch some saas-bahu saga. Plus, she's not the one to watch that crap. (Something that I'm immensely proud of. We tried watching Balika Vadhu once, but ended up in splits)

"Mom, what's this film about ? We've been sitting here since the past 1 hour but nothing's really gone into my head", I remark.

"It's classic! How can you not like it ? To hell and back is one of the finest films made on World War II", she replies in an excited voice.

I roll my eyes and sigh. Generation gap. Jeez.

"School's not been treating me well. Got stuck with Ms. Grumpy for not completing physics assignment", I say, casually.

She nods, "I'm proud of you"

I can't help but smile at her 'Let-school-go-to-hell' attitude. I can't express in words how relieving it is to know that atleast my mom doesn't pressurize me.

"Yeah, but I'm screwed"

"You're getting there, sweetheart"

I grin and shake my head. Mustering up my will power, I turn my head towards the TV screen again.

************************

"What the...??", before I can help myself, these words come out of my mouth. We're having a class teacher's period today, which means we will have to put up with our new partners for another 1 hour. Although I don't mind Ayush, I'm kind of missing having Nandita by my side.

I scowl a little and flop down into my seat. And yet again, we exchange 'Hi's' and 'Hellos'. He goes back to his math homework, which reminds me, I need to get that done too. I take out my register and take a quick glance at what Ayush is copying from.

"Do you mind if I share that..um, Varun's register ?", I ask. He shrugs in approval and continues doing his work. Varun is the geek of our class, and since the release of 3 Idiots, he's been labelled as 'Silencer'. I feel that's an insult to Chatur's character, or perhaps I'm being biased because I loved that guy.

I silently get to work. There are about 10 sums that need to be done. I haven't even done one. I hate this. I don't see the point in doing homework. If you can't 'educate' us enough in 6 hours, then I don't see how another hour at home will make things any better.

When 15 minutes were left for the bell to ring, I let out a breath and close the register. Glancing sideways, I see that Ayush is still writing. Wow I like his speed, I think to myself. But it doesn't take long for him to close his own register.

"What's the first class ?", he asked.

"Physics"

"Darn. I hate that woman. She makes physics so hard to understand", he replies. And the floodgates open. In no time, we're dissing Ms. Grumpy in whichever way possible. Right from cheap jokes to hindi gaalis, we're indulging in hardcore bitching. It seriously feels good, because I love bitching about that woman. Any time. Any day.

The bell rings and we reluctantly stop laughing like maniacs. Trying my level best to wipe the grin off my face, I purse my lips together and stand up as she walked into the class.

Part 3

There is something extremely wrong with the whole concept of 'love'. There are some major loopholes in the whole theory that has been constructed by the society (Which includes expression of love in the written form, movies, Television et al) over the period of time.

Version 1.1: Romeo and Juliet were two idiots who fell in love (apparently) and then died in the end for each other. Bravo! Here's love for you.

Version 1.10: Edward and Bella are two idiots who fell in love (apparently) and constantly keep looking for oppurtunities to die for each other. Bravo, yet again!

But then, beyond literature, 'love', as we know it, doesn't really exist. There really is no blue-eyed prince charming out there who will come and sweep you off your feet. There really is no hero who will always save you from the bad guys. There is no one who has looks of the ultimate greek god, a heart of gold and a chivalrous nature.

But you know, I can't really say the same for the girls. You know why ? Because girls are plain and simple dumb. They would be ready to sacrifice everything they have in the wink of an eye, the moment someone comes and says, "Sweetheart, I love you" (And I wanna have sex with you. But ofcourse, no one really says that) Most of the girls in my age-group live in the fantasy of a blue-eyed prince. Just when you thought that womenhood has finally begun to make some progress, these girls prove you wrong in no time.

So finally, the whole deal is that love is nothing but Bull.

Anyway, more on that later. Right now, I'm on my way to the place I dread the most - my school. Funnily though, the bus ride to school always has me thinking about some or the other stupid thing. I'm sitting on the window seat, silently looking out of the window. My favourite weather is the post-rain time. I love the soft breeze and the calm environment. The whole ambience is just so serene and peaceful. I can see the leaves of a tree swaying lightly due to the breeze. Somehow I find that sight to be really beautiful, and I have this sudden and inexplicable urge to dash out of the bus and feel the wind too.

My thoughts are brought to a sudden halt as the bus stops. We're finally inside hell. For 6 hours. I sigh and get up, swinging my bag on my back, I make my way towards the exit door.

When I reach my class, I see my one and only friend, Nandita, and give her a smile. And when I say one and only, I literally mean it. Either she's the only one who can tolerate me or I'm the one who feels that she's remotely close to understanding me than the others. Remotely.

"Hey, what's up ?", she enquired in her usual deep voice.

"Fine. I just didn't want to come today..", she rolls her eyes as I say this, apparently indicating that she hears the same thing everyday. Ignoring her, I continue, "I mean, the love the weather today. We should be outside, not trapped here in this death camp"

"Hey..will you give the whole 'I-hate-school' thing a break ?", she says jokingly.

"But I do hate school", I say with a shrug. It's actually my daily mantra. I say it atleast 100 times each day. She sighs and holds up her palms in defeat, "Fine. There's no arguing with you". I give a stupid grin and we settle down in our chairs. Our class teacher enters and Nandita has to literally shake me to make me get up. I'm really not interested in looking at our class teacher's doomed face. I keep looking outside. Eerily, the one emotion that I do associate with this weather is 'freedom'. And seeing as we're in school, this emotion almost overwhelms me.

The guys in my class are first-rate nincompoops. No, I'm not one of the girls who doesn't like boys in general because they're 'yucky' boys. I hate them because it irks me to see them proud of their fake attitutde and inflated ego. It irks me to see that they think they know everything there is to know about this world. It irks me to know that they think they're god's gifts to Earth. If there is an emotion stronger than 'disgust', then that is what I feel for them. Actually no, 'pity' would be the right one. Because once out of school, I'm pretty sure they're gonna have a hard time trying to figure out who hit them in the balls. I guess barring one or two, almost every one is a loser. Trust me, I'm not looking for a boyfriend here, but had they been a little more decent, then friendship would not have been such a bad idea.

Solace

Part 1

No matter how hard I try, my fantasies never seem to have a happy ending.

I lean back in my driver's seat and let out a sigh. I close my eyes, trying to shut out the depression that was slowly infusing into my brain. Loneliness was something I never quite understood how to deal with. It always over-powered my will power and completely took control of me.

I'm not legally allowed to drive. But hey, India is not meant for legal stuff. Everyone does something illegal here, so who cares ? Atleast driving puts me to peace. Plus, just 2 years to go. Not a problem at all.

It's 10:30 am at night and the traffic is beginning to thin down. There's a dhaba right next to where I'm parked. Not exactly a dhaba, more like a chai-stall. I wave to a waiter-cum-chai maker kid roaming around the place, trying to attract more customers. He walks to me and I ask him to bring me one cup of tea. Although I'm not really fond of tea, I just need something hot to go down my throat.

Within a few minutes, I'm holding a fresh cup, no, kuddad of tea and the heat makes me feel better, atleast to a small extent. Why am I so sad ? Frankly, I'm not really sure. It's alot of things all mixed up together. You know, like the times when you can't help but say, "Shit happens"

Let's try to make a list:

School
Financial problems
Emotional problems
Dealing with the past
Everyday crisis
Home-related crisis

Etc.

Coming back to where I started this thought process from. None of my fantasies seem to have a happy ending. I wonder whether it's some kind of an odd future prediction or just my fucked up brain screwing my thoughts up.

I was about to delve deeper into this thought when my cell phone rang. It's mom. She wants me back. I sigh once again and with great effort, sit up in my seat. I straighten up my seat, pull it forward and insert the key into the ignition. I don't believe in seat belts. They don't really help. Getting the car into gear, I hit the accelerator and head home.

*********************

Please do not copy my work and claim it as yours. That's a pretty nasty thing to do. If this is posted elsewhere, do credit me.

Thanks. Please wait for the next chapter, it will be up soon.

P.S - It's first person narration. That character isn't 'me'.

Illusion

I look around and see greenery everywhere. The purity of the sight engulfs me, takes over my soul, and I feel like I'm flying. I outstretch my arms and allow myself to surrender to this blissful feeling. I let the breeze take me away with it. It's a great feeling, like I've achieved everything I've always wanted to. It feels as though all the wordly problems have ceased to exist at once.

I can hear my mother laughing somewhere, her laughter is like music to my ears. I can see my father's face smiling down at me, with his eyes full of nothing but love. A warm feeling begins to tingle my heart. It is as though I've reached paradise.

Then I opened my eyes. And the illusion broke. There is no longer any greenery around me, the breeze doesn't engulf me, I can't sense my parents around me.

I'm back to the real world.